24. Wonky

Two weeks in and the rash has nearly gone, lingering only on my legs and toes. I have got through nearly an entire large tub of E45 to ensure my skin is moisturised and the dry patches from the rash are slowly subsiding, although they are worst under my arms and along the sides of my breasts and on the scar where my lymph node was removed.

I'm due to see a dermatologist to try to understand the cause of the allergic reaction. My sense is that it is in part caused by the extended period of my raised stress levels. I still feel sweaty every time I have an appointment with the doctor and I suspect deep down I'm still waiting for some bad news.

Physically I feel much better - the itchiness is nearly gone, my left breast is healing well and the bruising and swelling are down. I can sleep on my side reasonably comfortably now and I've got quite used to the shape of my right breast, which is significantly bigger than the original, and don’t mind too much about the still noticeable imbalance in size between left and right, even when clothed. An enthusiastic hug from a tipsy friend at her birthday party this weekend reminded me though how solid and unforgiving the temporary implants are.

I'm slightly disappointed that the expansion won't be completed in time for the upcoming Christmas parties and I am limited on my choice of outfits. But this is a minor inconvenience in the grand scheme of things…

The dermatologist is none the wiser as to the cause of the rash – he doubts it is related to medication but agrees it is urticarial. He looks even more doubtful when I proffer my extended period of stress over the past few months as a possible cause but writes it down in inverted commas. He prescribes some body wash and moisturizer to help my skin heal and scientifically suggests I keep my fingers crossed that the rash doesn’t come back.

I still have a dressing over my left nipple which Giles has put on there to protect against infection whilst the rash worked its way out. I hope it’s ok under there.