20. Ex-Breast

My compression bandages are removed. The rainbow of bruising that greets my eyes is not attractive...I'm pleased to see my nipple is still there though under the waterproof dressing, although I can't feel any sensation. The shape of the breast is as per the first mastectomy, with excess implant sticking out at the side pending my next expansion. 

I remind myself of my earlier priorities; 1. Live, 2. Recover quickly, 3. Worry about how I look. 

I think I can tick off number 1: am I now officially cancer-free? I guess as far as anyone knows. There is an unanswered question lurking at the back of my brain that wonders if I have some propensity for cancer which will resurface in the future. I push the thought further away at this stage but will do further reading on this. 

2. Recover quickly - I feel well on my way, with my strength and energy regaining daily. I have managed some long walks and three bike rides of 20 to 30km each in the week following my surgery (propped up by a few ibuprofen for good measure to cope with the potholes and bumps). I feel more in control than in the last three months since my diagnosis. I'm starting to think and plan ahead now for next year - importantly, can I book my holidays yet?

3. How I look: At this stage, I have to trust in my surgeon's skill and reassurances entirely. I have purposely tried not to consider the final cosmetic outcome in a bid to avoid disappointment. In the meantime, I go shopping and make a random shoe purchase, which doesn’t depend on the changing shape or size of my breasts.