14 Sept 2013

8. Words Out (week 2 post op)

Flowers and cards have started arriving - I haven't told that many people, as I wanted to know my prognosis first. It's a very different message to deliver, "I've had cancer, but the operation cured it" to "I have cancer and need further treatment". But word has got out and I'm very moved by all the kind thoughts and palpable relief from those close to me. I'm absurdly touched by a plant and a square of chocolate brownie left on the doorstep by the bass player in my husband’s band with a note - "heard you might be feeling a little crappy".
The house is full of flowers - they look beautiful but I can't help reflecting on the dichotomy: as you recover, the flowers gradually wilt and putrify. I spend time changing the water in multiple vases and combining arrangements as the shorter lived flowers die. My oldest school friend, recently recovering from an operation herself, more practically sends me a boxed set of a French zombie series. A neighbour from book club sweetly delivers some hand made chocolates, which make a welcome replacement to the chocolates my husband bought for me and ate. I receive an unexpected call from a mum at school who has heard my news - "I had a mastectomy 7 years ago for the same as you". Another mum contacts me, she had a lumpectomy and subsequent augmentation. Over the week I'm struck by how many friends tell me they are supporting friends and family through breast cancer at the moment. A previous sufferer advises me not to tell everyone if I don't want to be treated as a cancer victim or hear other peoples' horror stories, before proceeding to tell me about the multiple infections she suffered after her mastectomy and implant.

My family visits in waves. I feel very lucky and surrounded by love and concern. I'm informed two churches, a synagogue and four Masonic lodges have been praying for me. I'll take what I can get but feel a slight twinge of atheistic guilt. 

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