13. The Bra Shop

I have my first night out at my husband's gig - it's really nice to be in town with friends. We drive home and the speed bumps are still challenging although not quite as eye watering as previously - I take an ibuprofen before bed.

I pay a visit at the end of the week to the bra shop recommended by Giles and Jan. Jackie is waiting for me as I had called ahead and greets me warmly, -"Come this way my darling" and I am swept into a fitting room. Jackie is impressed with the look of my breast already and the lack of bruising. She has come back with more chunky bras - she sees the look of dismay on my face - "don't worry, you will have beautiful lingerie again..." I feel like Cinderella..."just not quite yet", she adds practically.

The bra is a much better fit - I had the wrong back size previously - and I try a silicon 'chicken fillet' in the other side to balance them out. It's surprisingly comfortable but sticks out too far. We try a few others like a weird arcade game. Eventually we find two inserts - one for now and one for the next expansion. We do the t-shirt test and try on a tight fitting vest to check the profile. It looks fine. 

We discuss how far into my treatment I am and the decisions I need to make - I joke that at least I'll have warm feet if I take Tamoxifen - "unfortunately you don't" Jackie laughs, "the rest of me was boiling but I still had freezing feet". A potential silver lining slips away but I am full of admiration and immensely encouraged talking to such a vivacious and energised lady who has been through the process. 

As I leave I feel suddenly tearful.  Standing topless in front of a mirror with someone other than medical staff or my husband looking at my new and damaged profile is an acknowledgement of what has happened. Jackie's caring, encouraging and supportive manner also add to my emotional state and I drive and cry home; still taking care to avoid the speed bumps even with my new improved bra.