16 Sept 2013

10. Decisions

As the week progresses I allow myself to start considering my options for preventive treatment. The news headlines are at odds with the medical evidence of Tamoxifen's effectiveness. I listen to three other acquaintances' experiences on Tamoxifen - 2 out of 3 were fairly negative. I resolve to do more research. The blogs online seem to be predominantly negative but maybe that's why they're on the blog in the first place looking for solidarity. The organic vegetable conversation comes back to haunt me - all those years avoiding pesticides only to spend the next 5/10 years pumping chemicals into me. It doesn't sit comfortably.
My mastectomy experience to date is positive - the pain is bearable, the operation and hospital stay short, my consultant is thoughtful and informative as well as skilled, the cosmetic outcome so far so good, but still a big unknown for the end state. I'm unconvinced about how a tattooed nipple is going to look. It's not the sort of thing you can ask to see in the flesh, unless you're an oncoplastic surgeon I guess. The images on the internet are varied - some impressive, some downright terrifying.

The other option is to do nothing and live with the risk and uncertainty of yearly mammograms and waits for results. I realise I don't understand my increased risk sufficiently and will need to ask Giles for more input. I try to box up my thoughts for another day at this point.

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